The Vegan Butcher

I was sitting at home one evening after work last month when an unknown number came up on my cell phone. I normally don’t answer numbers I don’t recognise, but something compelled me to do otherwise that night.

“Hello?”

“Is this Tracy?”

“Sure is!” I answered, not knowing who it was, but thinking it could possibly be my friend Jana.

“Do you like vegetables?”

“You know it! What have you got?”

“This is Annik.”

Well, then. (more…)

I was in the grocery store the other day (or as Jerri and I have taken to calling it, the brocery store—don’t ask) and as I wandered through the produce section I happened upon a vegetable I had never seen before.

“What in the hell is that?” I asked Jerri, who was wandering with me at the time.

“Kohlrabi?” she read from the sign. “I have no idea. Are those slugs?”

I dropped the kohlrabi I was holding because for a second I thought it was, indeed, covered in slugs. I picked it up, called her a bitch as she laughed at me, and put it in the cart. (more…)

Welcome to the first and (I would say with almost definite certainty) not the last “Drunk Vegan Cooking with Tracy” post!

Since I work seven days a week and all holidays I have very few opportunities to get good ‘n’ drunk nowadays. There have been so few in the last year, in fact, that if you wanted I would be able to name the specific dates and occasions. It’s sad, really.

Anyway, since it’s almost time for me to blow this popsicle stand and move across the pond to Londontown, Jerri and I decided to each book a vacation day and get hammered on a school night. Drunk Tracy and Sober Tracy are similar in that they both love to cook. Where they differ is in their judgment calls and ability to make good choices. This post chronicles that night and those choices. (more…)

It’s time for our third post in the “Into the Woods” series! If you don’t know what I’m talking about, where have you been? Do some back reading now to get in the loop.

Another fairy tale character involved in Stephen Sondheim’s “Into the Woods” is dear Jack, of Jack and the Beanstalk fame. In this story Jack and his mother have fallen on hard times and she sends him into the woods to sell their cow—his one and only (and rather beloved) friend, Milky White.

So off goes Jack, with explicit instructions from his brilliant and shockingly beautiful mother (can you tell which role I played in our high school production?) to get as much gold as he possibly can for the worse-for-the-wear creature.

Jack, being a bit of a dolt, is tricked into giving up Milky White for five magic beans. Were I really Jack’s mother, this is what I would have done with them. (more…)

In honour of passing 666 followers on Twitter, here is a post on seitan. (Ahahahaha. Oh, SO CLEVER, Tracy!) Big up to my 666th follower, @nubiandread!

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I have a vegan buddy in England who wants me to teach him some new kitchen skills when I move there this fall.

“I can totally do that!” I thought to myself as we chatted, feeling confident in my skills, “Just as long as he doesn’t request lessons in making seit—“

“…especially if I can learn to cook seitan!”

Melonfarmer. (For those of you joining this programming in progress, that is the curse I use instead of “motherfacker”. It’s friendlier for my Mama, whom I know reads this blog.) (more…)