The Vegan Butcher

I was in the grocery store the other day (or as Jerri and I have taken to calling it, the brocery store—don’t ask) and as I wandered through the produce section I happened upon a vegetable I had never seen before.

“What in the hell is that?” I asked Jerri, who was wandering with me at the time.

“Kohlrabi?” she read from the sign. “I have no idea. Are those slugs?”

I dropped the kohlrabi I was holding because for a second I thought it was, indeed, covered in slugs. I picked it up, called her a bitch as she laughed at me, and put it in the cart. (more…)

I went over to my darling bestie Jerri’s house the other day. The days are getting shorter, the nights chillier, and the summer is clearly dying. Before it gives its final death rattle we wanted to have one last BBQ hurrah. Jerr Bear had a supply of mini hamburgers and mini buns and was going to make mini sliders.

NEEDLESS TO SAY (but you know I’m gonna say it anyway), I got very jealous. I wanted to have mini burgers too! As I sat there grumping Jerri and I came up with a plan: mushroom sliders! If we couldn’t find vegan mini buns we would make our own with cookie cutters and bread! IT WAS ON! (more…)

In honour of passing 666 followers on Twitter, here is a post on seitan. (Ahahahaha. Oh, SO CLEVER, Tracy!) Big up to my 666th follower, @nubiandread!

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I have a vegan buddy in England who wants me to teach him some new kitchen skills when I move there this fall.

“I can totally do that!” I thought to myself as we chatted, feeling confident in my skills, “Just as long as he doesn’t request lessons in making seit—“

“…especially if I can learn to cook seitan!”

Melonfarmer. (For those of you joining this programming in progress, that is the curse I use instead of “motherfacker”. It’s friendlier for my Mama, whom I know reads this blog.) (more…)

Dolly Parton very nearly ruined my dinner last week. This post chronicles that evening.

Let me begin by stating my undying, unconditional, lifelong love for Dolly Parton. She is a musical genius and has a brilliant mind for business. And she’s funny as hell. What it comes down to is that she has never done nor will she ever do anything I don’t absolutely love. I think during the next holiday season I’m going to have to devote a post to how much I love her and Kenny Rogers’s Once Upon a Christmas album. But that is not this post. This post is about Dolly Parton and vegan hamburgers. (more…)

I’m back, melonfarmers! I was away from the kitchen and the internet pretty hardcore for about three weeks as I finished rehearsals and then began performances for the Royal Nova Scotia International Tattoo. Yeah, that’s right. I’m IN it. Hear the highest, highest, high notes that the 1st Sopranos in the adult choir sing? Hear that one person squawking them out? That’s right! This fackin’ guy.

So now that I am no longer living at the Metro Centre I have returned to the kitchen. And man oh man, how I have missed it. (more…)

I hope you didn’t think I was leaving with with a words-only post tonight, my little bean sprouts! Not gonna lie, I was totally going to. I worked at both of my jobs today and got home and didn’t want to do ANYTHING, but then realised eating supper would probably be a good idea. So I made a sandwich (no great effort involved) and had my camera along for the ride. Here’s what went down….my esophagus and into my stomach.

It’s my Bacon Lettuce Tomato Cucumber Pepper Sprouts Daiya sandwich! (more…)